My son is 14 weeks now. He's so darn cute, and I am mad about him. Ever since becoming his mother I've discovered such a softer and more laid back way of parenting compared to what I was like with my daughter. I did only what I knew with her, and alot of it was based on socities expectations of a mother and child and not my own. I remember when she was a small newborn I used to carry her around in those God awful carseats. I would place her on the ground in a friend's house. My insides were screaming "LIFT YOUR BEAUTIFUL BABY!!" but my brain, infused with socities expectations told me to leave her, that teaching her independence at a young age was good for her. That being a mother meant having to let go. God help me I don't know why I didn't just lift her! I kept her at a safe and people friendlly distance if you know what I mean. All the advice from books and friends was telling me to keep a safe distance from my baby. Now mind you, I am very close to my daughter. She's the bee's knees, and I am very proud of the little girl she is turning into, but truth be known I would have done it different had I of known. Now my son is another story. He is kept close. He is carried and held often, he sleeps beside my huband and I. He is connected to me. And it feels damn good. He can sleep on his own if it suits him, but if it doesn't then so be it. I've read up on attatchment parenting since having him. He was such a cuddly baby who didn't like to be set down. I thought I was doing a diservice to him and myself by letting myself hold him when he wanted. After reading about 'ap' I realise that I'm doing a service to him by keeping him close. My old questions with my daughter of 'Is she independent enough?' or 'am I holding her too much?' 'Am I spoiling her?' are replaced with a whole new set of questions, 'do I hold him enough?' Has he been in his buggy too long?' 'should I wear him in his sling more often?' 'have I let him cry too much?'. I still also battle with my old way in my head. I don't know if I can wait for my son to decide in his own accord when to leave our bed. I'll cross that bridge later though. I think mother's, no matter how strong minded, still worry they aren't doing their best for their children. After all, a mother's love is so strong and intense. Nothing I could do for them will ever feel enough. I do know I am a good mother.
I dream of a society so different to the one we live in. In it breastfeeding is a non issue. Women all do it and support eachother in it's daily struggles. Bare breasted women can sit and feed their babys anyplace without worrying what people might see or think. In this society, children are treated with equal consideration as adults. They are included in get togethers and parties, and welcome in eating establishments. Parents of tantruming children aren't tutted, but sypathised with. In this society our friends and neighbors are like family, and their children are like our own. We parent as a community. We trouble shoot our problems and worries with eachother without worrying what others might think of it. It all sounds so lovely and care free, but you know what? Shit will still happen. Today my dd was playing with a friend the same age as her. I love this little girl. The two of them are complete opposites. My daughter is quieter than the average 2 year old, she can be a bit shy, and apprehensive about trying new things. She would much more prefer building blocks or playing dollies, than running through a playzone, climbing, and jumping. Her little friend is much more of the rough and tumble type of child. She loves meeting new people and playing chase. She can get a bit physical at times, and my daughter has paid for this in the past. Only today my daughter got a scratch across the face when she wouldn't hand over a toy, and then later got pulled by her top for the same reason. Now my first motherly instinct is to drop kick the little girl out the window. I forget all about my made up idealic society that the child who's scratching my daughters face should be treated like one of my own. I can tell you though if it was one of my own I wouldn't react the way her mommy does....by doing nothing and giving her daughter hugs and kisses for it. ; )
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Thursday, November 8, 2007
Music of Memories
I love music. I love where it takes me. It takes me through my memories like a photo album, it takes me places I've never been. Last night I took a nice relaxing bath and put some music on and for the first time in months I wasn't a mother anymore, I was Mary. I got to think about music and concerts I've been to. The children were pushed out of my head. It's truly a rare moment when that can happen. Yet another reason I love music, it's destressing.
Let me take you through a bit of my music photo album of memories, these are just a few of the tent poles:
I'm a child again when I hear this. My dad loved the Beatles. On Sudays a Chicago radio station would play 'Breakfast with the Beatles'. Every week it played through the entire house. It put us all in good form for our big Sunday morning breakfast and lazy afternoons. I'm all warm and fuzzy inside
I hate to admit it in a way, but Madonna was the firt music that was mine. The first ever tape cassette that I bought was this album. My child hood best friend and I made an entire dance to this song. Her and I used to laugh so hard together that we would pee our pants.....seriously.
My mom, older sister and I loved Depeche Mode. We'd go to all the concerts when they'd pass through town. I can still say safely to this day that Depeche Mode put on the best concerts I ever went to. I was about 12/13 at the time and was madly in love with Martin...the blonde one. I had a thing for bonde men ever since first grade where I had my first love, Scott. He had blonde curly hair.
Nirvan.....Need I say more. I went from Depeche Mode to Nirvana. I was 13/14 at the time and was going through puberty. I decided grunge was for me. I only wore t-shirts with Pearl Jam, Nirvana, and other grungers written across the front with torn jeans and chuckies (converse shoes). I defined myself by music, and really believed you were who you listened to. I think I still believe that a bit. Kurt Cobain's suicide really affected me. This is also the time where we moved from Chicago to the much less city place of Madison Wisconsin.
It's the Beatles again. This song is very special to me. My father lost his battle to cancer when I was 20 and this song was played at his funeral. I can't hear it without feeling emotional. He was a really great guy...this is for another blog on another day though.
This is Koop. My Husband and I fell in love to this music. We fell in love in Dublin city centre. We had a great time going to movies, nice dinners, and night clubs. We used to make out in door ways. We still giggle as we pass certain doorways.
This Boy, by Tom Baxter. I don't have a clip, when I find one I'll post it. Look it up though, it's so beaurtiful. I love this song. After my husband and I got married we got pregnant very quickly. At 16 weeks we found out we were having a boy and decided to name him Dennis after my father. I bought this album during the pregnancy, This sound was a paticular fave. I always thought of my son when I'd hear it. Sadly Dennis was born sleeping, so this song remains extra special to me.
This will always femind me of the victorious birth of my daughter. She's a daddy's girl, and this song suits them perfect.
There's so many more. But for now I'll leave it at this.
Let me take you through a bit of my music photo album of memories, these are just a few of the tent poles:
I'm a child again when I hear this. My dad loved the Beatles. On Sudays a Chicago radio station would play 'Breakfast with the Beatles'. Every week it played through the entire house. It put us all in good form for our big Sunday morning breakfast and lazy afternoons. I'm all warm and fuzzy inside
I hate to admit it in a way, but Madonna was the firt music that was mine. The first ever tape cassette that I bought was this album. My child hood best friend and I made an entire dance to this song. Her and I used to laugh so hard together that we would pee our pants.....seriously.
My mom, older sister and I loved Depeche Mode. We'd go to all the concerts when they'd pass through town. I can still say safely to this day that Depeche Mode put on the best concerts I ever went to. I was about 12/13 at the time and was madly in love with Martin...the blonde one. I had a thing for bonde men ever since first grade where I had my first love, Scott. He had blonde curly hair.
Nirvan.....Need I say more. I went from Depeche Mode to Nirvana. I was 13/14 at the time and was going through puberty. I decided grunge was for me. I only wore t-shirts with Pearl Jam, Nirvana, and other grungers written across the front with torn jeans and chuckies (converse shoes). I defined myself by music, and really believed you were who you listened to. I think I still believe that a bit. Kurt Cobain's suicide really affected me. This is also the time where we moved from Chicago to the much less city place of Madison Wisconsin.
It's the Beatles again. This song is very special to me. My father lost his battle to cancer when I was 20 and this song was played at his funeral. I can't hear it without feeling emotional. He was a really great guy...this is for another blog on another day though.
This is Koop. My Husband and I fell in love to this music. We fell in love in Dublin city centre. We had a great time going to movies, nice dinners, and night clubs. We used to make out in door ways. We still giggle as we pass certain doorways.
This Boy, by Tom Baxter. I don't have a clip, when I find one I'll post it. Look it up though, it's so beaurtiful. I love this song. After my husband and I got married we got pregnant very quickly. At 16 weeks we found out we were having a boy and decided to name him Dennis after my father. I bought this album during the pregnancy, This sound was a paticular fave. I always thought of my son when I'd hear it. Sadly Dennis was born sleeping, so this song remains extra special to me.
This will always femind me of the victorious birth of my daughter. She's a daddy's girl, and this song suits them perfect.
There's so many more. But for now I'll leave it at this.
Blades of Glory
I just loved this movie so much, that I rented it twice in two weeks so I could show it to my husband. Will Ferrell makes my laugh so much.
Dear Diary...I'm pooped
Ok, Obviously I'm a busy woman with two small children, but aren't we all busy these days? I don't mean to sound like my life is more exhausting than others, but I am so damn tired! Yesterday I spent the entire day walking around town, from about 10:15am to 5:30ish. It's something I actually do quite often and the children were on their best behavior, but I was wrecked last night and still haven't recovered. I rubbed my eyes and one of them swelled right up to make me look like a white, female Mike Tyson. I took a hot bath and hit the hay thinking a night's sleep would cure me. I then woke this morning to find it still puffy, not as bad, but noticeable. I had a class to bring my daughter to and would be chatting to lots of women. I found the very vain side of me wanting to crawl back into bed and leave it, but my daughter loves this class so much, I had to go. My husband suggested wearing sunglasses, I decided in the end just to tell everyone that my husband hit me, that he's under alot of pressure from work, that I provoke him, and that he promised never to do it again. It all boils down to one thing for me, pure exhaustion. I could have slept standing up today. I have never felt such exhaustion. I'm home now with my feet up watching Shrek for the 200th time while the baby sleeps in his moses basket. I'm just praying he takes a nice long nap. Will someone please take my children?
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
Halloween
So I am finally able to start this properly. I had some issues with my computer and am finally up and running again.
I love Halloween and always have. In the States fall was such a fun and exciting time. The start of the new school year, the abrupt change in weather, the intensity of leaves changing color. Every year we would go on a hay ride and hand pick our pumpkins. These farms always seemed to be attached to apple orchards where we would pick apples and eat the best apple pies ever with yummy yum cinnamon ice cream. My mother was and is a very creative woman. She has impecible taste. She never bought us Halloween costumes, instead we would think up fun ideas and create our costumes ourselves. She was always pushing me to be a tree, and although I was a child who stepped to the beat of her own drummer, I was too vain for that one. One year I was an old woman, we put my hair in a low bun and poured tlacom powder all over it, put a shin length grey dress on with a shawl, chunky black shoes with knee high panty hose falling loosely at my ankle, and I carried a cane. My mother drew wrinkles around my face. I stood out like a sore thumb in school were all the other girls were fairies and princess'. I loved that she encouraged me to be different. Another year I was a genie with golden gift ribbon for hair and all the close was dug out of our attic and from friend's attics. One year my sister was a big ball of foil, and I was a shark. We were always pushed to be a bit different from my mother.
Now I am a mother with children to dress up for Halloween. I can't say I'm ready for all the hands on craft work that comes with a home made costume though. I'd imagine if I was still living in the States my mother would be doing it with me and my daughter. Regardless, she was a lamb. I found a beautiful lamb costume and she looked the business in it. She's just turned two and we thought it would be fun to take her trick or treating. She had been afraid of all the Halloween decorations but quickly learned to love Halloween when she realised all the candy she could get. We went door to door and it wasn't long before she was bravely walking into people's houses offering her halloween bucket for candy. She was so cute and we had a great night. She hasn't seen a sweet since though! My husband and I have thoroughly enjoyed the handouts though. It's getting late and my husband is getting annoyed, so I must go for now.
I love Halloween and always have. In the States fall was such a fun and exciting time. The start of the new school year, the abrupt change in weather, the intensity of leaves changing color. Every year we would go on a hay ride and hand pick our pumpkins. These farms always seemed to be attached to apple orchards where we would pick apples and eat the best apple pies ever with yummy yum cinnamon ice cream. My mother was and is a very creative woman. She has impecible taste. She never bought us Halloween costumes, instead we would think up fun ideas and create our costumes ourselves. She was always pushing me to be a tree, and although I was a child who stepped to the beat of her own drummer, I was too vain for that one. One year I was an old woman, we put my hair in a low bun and poured tlacom powder all over it, put a shin length grey dress on with a shawl, chunky black shoes with knee high panty hose falling loosely at my ankle, and I carried a cane. My mother drew wrinkles around my face. I stood out like a sore thumb in school were all the other girls were fairies and princess'. I loved that she encouraged me to be different. Another year I was a genie with golden gift ribbon for hair and all the close was dug out of our attic and from friend's attics. One year my sister was a big ball of foil, and I was a shark. We were always pushed to be a bit different from my mother.
Now I am a mother with children to dress up for Halloween. I can't say I'm ready for all the hands on craft work that comes with a home made costume though. I'd imagine if I was still living in the States my mother would be doing it with me and my daughter. Regardless, she was a lamb. I found a beautiful lamb costume and she looked the business in it. She's just turned two and we thought it would be fun to take her trick or treating. She had been afraid of all the Halloween decorations but quickly learned to love Halloween when she realised all the candy she could get. We went door to door and it wasn't long before she was bravely walking into people's houses offering her halloween bucket for candy. She was so cute and we had a great night. She hasn't seen a sweet since though! My husband and I have thoroughly enjoyed the handouts though. It's getting late and my husband is getting annoyed, so I must go for now.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
